


What's In A Name

by profanespark



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Vulcan Kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 11:36:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 11,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19108861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profanespark/pseuds/profanespark
Summary: Jim comes to live with Spock on Vulcan a year after Tarsus IV.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-write of a work I had previously posted but disliked the direction it was taking. If you've read the original, changes might not be evident until later chapters except for ages (in the original Jim was 8 while Spock was 10. I felt that was way too young in the long run). If you've read the original, I'm also sorry for how long it has taken me to get this up! Along with a lot of real life changes (such as moving and the loss of several cats), I've been struggling with anxiety and depression that has stripped away my desire and the motivation to write. I don't want to let my mental health take away the things I love, however, so I'm going to start posting finalized chapters of this and start (slowly but surely) writing again.

The first time Spock laid eyes on James Tiberius Kirk, he was fourteen and standing outside his residence in Shi’Kahr with Captain Christopher Pike at his side. Against the backdrop of red sand and rock he looked pale, and Spock’s first thought was that the human teenager was significantly malnourished. His clothing hung off him, much too big for his obviously slender frame. His second thought was that he hadn’t known human eyes could be such a pure, vivid color. His eyes, along with the eyes of his parents and the majority of his other relatives, were a rich mahogany brown. Vulcan genetics did not allow for much diversity in eye color, though he did have a few cousins with amber eyes, and even fewer with dark green eyes. His Mother had told him about Earth’s oceans, how deep and beautiful they were, how very _blue_ they were, and he briefly wondered if the depth and beauty of an ocean had been somehow distilled and placed in James’ eyes. It was a completely illogical, irrational notion, and he dismissed it nearly as soon as it occurred, faulting the fancy of such imagining on his flawed human heritage. He waited patiently as his Mother and Captain Pike exchanged formalities. When he was introduced, he politely inclined his head and held up a flawless _ta’al_.

“What kind of a name is Spock?”

Spock slowly lowered the _ta’al_ and raised an eyebrow.

“It is a Vulcan name.”

The human teenager snorted, an alarmingly rude sound, and shoved his hands into the pockets of his oversized leather jacket. Christopher cleared his throat, looking briefly pained.

“And this ray of sunshine is Jim Kirk.”

Amanda, smiling as she always did, touched the back of Spock’s head with her fingers, a bare, reassuring pressure. It was the most he allowed her those days. He was too grown for the hugs she used to give him, even if he did find himself missing the warm embraces at times.

“Spock, why don’t you show Jim to his room?”

“Yes, Mother.”

Without pausing to ensure Jim followed, Spock turned on his heel and led the way into the house. Jim did follow, shuffling after Spock with a frown. Amanda and Christopher watched until they were out of view.

“He’s going to be difficult.”

“I can handle difficult. I married a Vulcan Ambassador _and_ gave birth to his son.”

“You know his story.”

“Yes.” Amanda’s smile slipped. “I was friends with Winona and George. She was so bright, and he was a big puppy, always following her around.”

“I know.” Chris’ voice softened. “That’s precisely why I called you.”

“He’s smaller than I thought he’d be.”

“Don’t let his looks fool you. He’s tough.”

“He’s also still just a boy.”

“Yeah, he is. If you have any problems, call me. I’ll be on Vulcan ‘til the end of the month.”

“Thank you, Christopher.”


	2. Chapter 2

There was silence as Spock led Jim through the house to the room he had helped his Mother set up in preparation of Jim’s arrival. Once at the room, Jim stepped inside and promptly slammed the door shut, leaving Spock standing there somewhat at a loss. He had never encountered anyone so volatile, and he’d only been in Jim’s company a few minutes. Deciding it was best to leave, he turned and walked back down the hallway. His Mother was sitting in the living room when he entered, and she turned to look at him.

“Is Jim settled in?”

“…I do not know.”

Amanda smiled and patted the spot next to her. Spock sat down, watching her expectantly.

“He’s a troubled boy. It might take some time for him to come around.”

While Spock wasn’t completely certain what she meant by ‘troubled’ or ‘come around’, he didn’t interrupt.

“In the meanwhile, we just have to be patient and gentle. Do you want to speak with your Father tonight? I was planning on comming him after dinner.”

Sarek was on Earth for Ambassadorial duties. He’d been gone for nearly two weeks and wouldn’t be returning for another four. Spock nodded and Amanda briefly touched the back of his head with her fingers before rising from the couch.

“Come help me with dinner, Spock.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner preparations went smoothly. Spock washed and cut vegetables while Amanda cooked. The silence was companionable and neither noticed they were no longer alone until Spock turned to grab a package of seasoning. Hand halfway to the package, he froze, staring at Jim where he stood at the edge of the kitchen. His eyes were wary. Realizing Spock had gone still, Amanda turned as well, taking in Jim’s appearance and defensive stance with a small, encouraging smile.

“Jim, do you want to help Spock season the vegetables?”

Jim’s shoulders rose and fell in a shrug and Spock shot his Mother a quick, uncertain glance. After Jim made his way further into the kitchen and came to stand next to Spock, he handed him the package, noting the careful way Jim avoided touching him, though he could not determine if that was out of politeness for his culture or something else entirely.

“Open the package and pour the seasoning over the vegetables evenly.”

“Pretty sure I know how to pour seasoning, Spork.”

The noise that left Amanda wasn’t a laugh, but it was close. Spock felt himself bristle and he drew himself up, purposely standing straighter.

“My name is Spock.”

“Got it, Speck.”

“You are being intentionally—” Spock wanted to say _obnoxious_. It was too human of a word, though, and before he could settle on a different word, Jim cut him to the chase.

“Obtuse?”

Jim raised both eyebrows at him and smirked even as he poured the seasoning over the vegetables.

“All right, boys,” Amanda intercepted, taking the bowl. Spock continued to stare at Jim. “Thank you both for your help. Why don’t you go sit down? Dinner’s just about done.”

Dinner, like the initial preparation, was a smooth affair, although Spock couldn’t help but feel hyper aware of Jim. He ate slowly, but he also finished everything on his plate, and the second he was done he was out of his chair and gone from the room. Spock opened his mouth to say something but Amanda shook her head and Spock remained silent, looking at the seat Jim had vacated so abruptly.


	4. Chapter 4

Only a short while after dinner, Spock sat down in front of the terminal in his Father’s office. Sarek’s image appeared on screen, as stoic and Vulcan as always.

“Spock.”

“Father.”

Spock habitually raised a _ta’al_. Sarek inclined his head, and Spock lowered his hand.

“How are your studies?”

“They are satisfactory.”

“Your Mother tells me our guest has arrived.”

“Yes.”

“See to it that he is comfortable.”

Spock hesitated.

“I am not certain I know how to do that.”

Sarek was silent for nearly a minute.

“Spock, you are no doubt aware of why your Mother offered to take the Kirk boy in.”

It wasn’t a question, but Spock nodded anyway. He knew who the boys’ parents were – Winona and George Kirk, the man who was Captain of the USS _Kelvin_ for twelve minutes but saved eight hundred people by sacrificing himself. Jim was born on a medical shuttle just minutes before his sacrifice. He knew his Mother had been friends with Winona and George. He supposed she had imagined Spock might befriend Jim, but Spock had no intention of doing any such thing. Vulcans did not have or need friends, after all.

There was another long pause from Sarek. When he spoke again, his voice was softer.

“If you cannot ensure he is comfortable, at least ensure he is not lonely.”

Spock felt like he had missed something. Regardless, he nodded again. They spoke for another ten point four minutes, at which point Amanda ushered Spock out of the office so she could speak with Sarek alone. Spock went to his bedroom, still feeling off-balance, and was startled to find Jim sitting in the middle of his bed.

“What are you doing?”

“This is your room, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Kind of bare. Where’s all your stuff?”

“My ‘stuff’, as you put it, is allocated in its proper places.”

“Wait, so this is all you have?”

“Vulcans have no need for excess, unnecessary material possessions.”

“Vulcans are stuffy and boring.”

Spock resisted the very human urge to sigh. His Father’s words came back to him then; _If you cannot ensure he is comfortable, at least ensure he is not lonely._ He looked at the human on his bed, disturbing his sheets. He was very small. He had his knees pulled to his chest. His left knee had a dark scab, a healing injury. His gaze caught on the scab.

“How did you acquire that injury?”

Jim peered down at his own knee, smirking.

“I got it in a fight.”

One of Spock’s eyebrows went up sharply.

“Is that your only injury?”

Jim shook his head. Before Spock could ask Jim grabbed the hem of his shirt and dragged it over his head. Whatever protest or complaint had been on Spock’s tongue was lost at the sight of the abrasions and bruising that littered Jim’s torso. His thoughts from before were confirmed; Jim was definitely malnourished. Spock could count his ribs, and the sharp jut of his hips were visible where his shorts hung lower than they likely should have.

Jim abruptly threw his shirt onto the floor, careless of where it landed, and flopped onto his side, stretching out on Spock’s bed.

“So, how old are you?”

The impromptu change of subject threw Spock off as much if not more than the way the human was stretched out on his bed as if it was a normal, everyday occurrence, but he was quick to follow.

“I am sixteen.”

Conversation with Jim came more easily than Spock expected. They talked for nearly an hour before Amanda came in to wish Spock good night and Jim left to return to his own room, looking a bit startled by Amanda’s presence. Spock did not immediately go to sleep as he usually did. Instead, he stared at the shirt Jim had left behind and thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Spoke woke in the middle of the night. At first, he was unable to detect any reason for his sudden consciousness. The house was silent. He closed his eyes, intending to go back to sleep, when a whisper of sound reached him. He opened his eyes and even in the dark was able to spot Jim where he stood just a foot from the end of his bed. Sitting up, he frowned minutely.

“What are you doing?”

It was the second time he had asked that in less than twenty-four hours. Spock wondered if he was seeing the beginning of a pattern.

“I can’t sleep.”

Spock let his frown deepen, aware Jim wouldn’t be able to discern the change in his expression in the dim.

“You are in a new place. It is expected that you would find it uncomfortable at first.”

“Can I… sleep in here?”

One of Spock’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. He watched as Jim shifted.

“Never mind. I’ll just—”

“Jim,” Spock interrupted, halting the human in his movements to turn. “You may sleep here.”

He wasn’t sure _why_ he acquiesced to the request, except Jim had sounded so small, so… lonely. It made something in his chest go tight. Spock scooted over to allow enough room for Jim to slide in alongside him. He settled down quickly, but didn’t fall asleep. His voice broke the silence only three minutes later.

“What does Spock mean, exactly?”

“Uniter.”

“I wish James had a cool meaning.”

“If I am not mistaken, the name James means supplanter.”

“Fitting.”

Jim’s voice was rough with something Spock couldn’t place.

“I do not understand.”

“You weren’t meant to.”

He felt Jim turn onto his side so his back was toward Spock. The Vulcan laid there for another twenty three point two minutes before going back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Jim didn’t speak to Spock again for two days, and he only saw him during meals. He couldn’t help but feel like he had done or said something wrong. Unfortunately, he had no frame of reference for Jim’s peculiar behavior, so he could do little more than speculate, which was not particularly helpful. In an attempt to distract himself, he delved into his studies.

A loud crash disrupted his attention. Standing, he walked through the house to the kitchen, where the crash had come from. Jim was kneeling in front of a broken plate, but it wasn’t the plate that made Spock’s heart stutter over itself. Jim was bleeding. He must have cut himself. The red of his blood was startling. He remembered the first time he’d seen his Mother bleed. It had only been a paper cut, but the sight of the blood as it beaded from the thin laceration had filled him with dread. His own blood was green. He knew why, of course; Vulcan blood contained more copper than human blood.

Moving quickly, he grabbed a cloth and knelt in front of Jim, using the cloth to wrap his cut palm securely.

“Oh, no.”

Amanda’s voice filtered into the kitchen and Jim flinched, hard. Spock realized Jim’s eyes were squeezed shut and he was breathing heavily. He drew him up as Amanda came over.

“Are you all right? Do I need to call a healer?”

Jim finally opened his eyes. Amanda was leaning over him, worry obvious in her expression. What he’d expected wasn’t clear, but his surprise was. His eyes widened as he glanced between Spock and Amanda.

“No. I’m… I’m okay. But the plate—”

“Is just a plate,” Amanda interrupted softly, smoothing her hands over his hair. “Spock, take care of Jim’s hand and I’ll clean up, okay?”

“Yes, Mother.”

Spock gently tugged Jim in the direction of the bathroom. He went willingly, and Spock thought he was likely in a state of shock to be so docile. Sitting Jim on the edge of the tub, he began to clean the cut, and was relieved to find it was not as bad as it looked. There had been a significant amount of blood but the cut itself was shallow. When he finished cleaning the cut, he covered it with anti-infection gauze. Jim was silent the entire time, staring at an indistinct point over Spock’s shoulder. The very second Spock released his hand, he was up and gone, having retreated back to his room.


	7. Chapter 7

Spock stood outside the door of Jim’s bedroom for two point nine minutes before he finally lifted a hand and knocked once, firmly.

“Jim, I wish to ascertain that you are well.”

“Has anyone ever told you your speech pattern is kind of ridiculous?”

Spock blinked at the slightly muffled question. The door cracked open and he stepped inside just in time to see Jim flop face-first on his bed.

“How is your hand?”

Jim had to turn his head to be heard clearly.

“s’fine.”

“I am—” A pause, as Spock struggled for an appropriate, non-emotional word. “—relieved.”

“Sorry about the plate.”

“As my Mother said, it is only a plate.”

Blue eyes finally fixed on Spock. He couldn’t read the expression on Jim’s face even slightly.

“Does your mom ever… punish you?”

“No. I do not give her or my Father reason to punish me.”

There was a long hesitation.

“Will she punish me?”

“For what?”

Jim’s eyes went even more shuttered and he shook his head.

“Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

Spock stood there nearly a minute longer before nodding and removing himself from Jim’s room. Once again, he felt like he had missed something. It felt strangely important.


	8. Chapter 8

By the end of the week, they’d fallen into a semi-comfortable routine. Breakfast; Spock would study, while Jim explored; lunch; Spock would join in Jim’s explorations, showing him various places of interest in Shi’Kahr or simply letting him wander; dinner. After dinner, they would all talk for a while, and then sometimes the two ended up in Spock’s room, and Spock would guide Jim through some of his lessons or they would simply sit together like they’d known each other all their lives instead of only seven days. Jim was surprisingly smart and he picked up the subject matter quickly. He got bored easily, though. Spock had come to notice he was almost always moving. If he wasn’t actually walking around, he was fidgeting – small movements of his hands or legs, repeated tapping and twitching. He was infused with a restless, indomitable energy Spock had never encountered or experienced before. It was nearly overwhelming, often threatening to overtake his practiced calm. Spock found he had to meditate longer and more frequently than he usually did to compensate.

He also found he didn’t mind any of the changes Jim had brought into his life.

Every other night Jim ended up sleeping in Spock’s bed instead of his own. He didn’t ask anymore, just crawled in and settled down. On the third night he’d crawled into Spock’s bed, only a few short hours after they’d both fallen back asleep, Spock was woken to Jim thrashing about and gasping. He was having a nightmare. Uncertain what he should do but aware he had to do something, Spock gently placed his fingers on Jim’s psi-points and carefully initiated a shallow meld, then eased Jim out of the nightmare. Although he tried not to look, he caught a glimpse of the nightmare; the rank, sharp smell of alcohol, shadowy figures stumbling toward him, then sand and heat and screaming between gunfire. When he withdrew from the meld, Spock was shaking minutely. Jim’s fear had been intense. He didn’t fall back asleep again, instead opting to stand vigil over Jim and ensure he didn’t slip into another nightmare.

If Jim was aware that Spock had eased him out of a nightmare, he didn’t show any overt signs. Another week passed easily before Amanda decided it was time Jim went to school instead of looking over work Spock brought home with him specifically for Jim. The morning of his first day, he came into Spock’s room dressed in the traditional Vulcan robes all students wore and Spock had to stop and stare. He had become accustomed to seeing Jim in t-shirts and shorts. Or, in the late afternoon when it was especially hot, just shorts. Jim seemed to take his gaping as a bad sign because he flushed and turned away, about to stalk off. Spock was faster and grabbed his arm, halting his retreat.

“You look… decent,” he finally managed.

Jim snorted. The sound was somehow less abrasive than it had been on that first day. “How do you guys wear these things? They’re heavy.”

“I have a lighter version if you’d prefer.”

“Spock, this _is_ the lighter version.”

That made Spock still. Something indefinable surged through him at the thought of Jim wearing his clothing. He forcibly pushed it down.

“I see.”

“Spock, Jim, are you ready?”

Amanda’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs.

“Yes, Mother.”

“Let me grab my bag.”

Spock nodded, watching as Jim bolted to retrieve his bag from his own room. When they were both downstairs, Amanda was biting her bottom lip, clearly trying not to fawn over either her son or Jim. She failed and ended up running her hands over one of both their shoulders.

“Mother,” Spock admonished lightly.

“I’m sorry, Spock, you’re just… adorable.”

“We are leaving now.”

“Okay, okay. Have a productive day.”

“I wish you the same.”

With that, Spock and Jim left — Jim snickering at Spock, who was absolutely not blushing.


	9. Chapter 9

A transit to the school was necessary because of how spaced out Vulcans tended to live from each other, but there was still a significant walk to the transit stop itself. As they walked, Jim asked questions. He was uncertain about the concept of ‘pods’ and remarked about Vulcans being pod-people, to which Spock had raised a bemused eyebrow and replied, technically, that was accurate. Jim almost choked he was laughing so hard. At the transit stop, there were two other Vulcans waiting. Jim fell silent when he spotted them. One was a male, slightly taller than Spock, with the same severely straight haircut. The other was a female, her hair done up intricately. The female was the first to look over as they approached and came to a stop. She gave both a rather critical survey and Spock could feel Jim bristle beside him.

“Spock. Who is your human?”

“My name’s Jim, and I’m not _his_ human.”

Stonn raised a polite _ta’al_ in Jim’s direction.

“I am Stonn.”

T’Pring shot Stonn a look that might have withered him if he’d been less Vulcan.

“I am T’Pring.”

Spock inclined his head in Jim’s direction.

“Jim is living with me.”

One of both T’Pring and Stonn’s eyebrows shot up.

“Temporarily or permanently?”

Jim shrugged. He was saved from an answer by the arrival of the transit, prompt as always, though he was not saved from further questioning the entire way to the academy. By the time they arrived, Jim was grinning and Spock was feeling slightly less apprehensive about the day ahead. As they exited the transit and entered the academy, Spock noticed curious stares being sent Jim’s way. No one approached them, however. Special arrangements had been made by Spock’s parents to have Jim situated in a pod next to his own, in case he required help. He did not, although Spock was interrupted several times by messages to his PADD.

` _this is weird_ `

` _Capitalization and punctuation would greatly benefit you._ `

` _too busy to cap or punctuate_ `

` _Yet you are not too busy to message me._ `

` _;)_ `

` _What is that?_ `

` _its a winky smiley face_ `

` _Explain._ `

` _the ; are the eyes (one is winking) and the ) is the mouth_ `

` _Fascinating._ `

When the day came to an end, Spock climbed out of his pod only to find Jim already sitting along the edge, waiting for him. He straightened his robes as he stood.

“It’s official.”

Spock tilted his head.

“What is official?”

“I’m a pod-person.”

The laughter that peeled from Jim caused several other Vulcans to look at them in mild alarm. Spock could only suppress a sigh that was more fond than he was ready or willing to admit.


	10. Chapter 10

Just outside the building, Jim and Spock were halted by the approach of three Vulcans who had clearly been waiting for them. Spock knew them, of course – Lasav, Soral and Sakinth; his peers, if they could be called as much since Spock had already surpassed them in his education, despite being two years younger. Spock unconsciously stepped in front of Jim and straightened minutely. Sakinth was the first to speak up.

“I told you filthy hybrids are always drawn back to their true kind.”

Spock moved to step around Sakinth but Lasav was there to block him.

“Human got your tongue, Spock?”

Soral and Lasav exchanged a glance that contained barely shuttered malice. Soral circled around behind Spock to get to Jim. No one was expecting him to snarl when Soral stepped too close or for him to shove Soral backward, particularly Soral, who stumbled with the shove, too surprised to brace against any kind of attack.

“If you know what’s good for you you’ll back off right now.”

Spock turned his head to be able to see Jim in his peripheral vision.

“Jim —”

He was cut off by Sakinth stepping right into his personal space.

“Your little human pet is in dire need of a leash.”

“Jim is not my pet. He is my friend, a concept I highly doubt you understand with your limited cognitive abilities.”

Sakinth looked like he was about to say something else, but noise exploded behind Spock and he turned to find Jim and Soral scrambling on the ground. Jim was repeatedly punching Soral. Spock was distracted long enough he missed Sakinth drawing his own arm back. The hit struck him across his right cheek. Lasav chose then to jump in, grabbing a fistful of Spock’s hair and attempting to hold him in place. Spock fought the hold, twisting to close his hand around Lasav’s throat.

“We all know what happened the last time you attempted to provoke an emotional response from me. I have no problem repeating the lesson if you have since forgotten, however.”

Spock’s voice was a cool, even hiss. Sakinth’s eyes widened in outrage.

“You—dirty half-blood! You belong on the ground with your friend, who is likely the only one you will ever have since no sane Vulcan would want you! Perhaps you should be bonded to him instead of T’Pring. I feel sorry for her, having to face a future with _you_ at the Appointed Time. Your children will be mutts like yourself and she will be disgraced. Did you know she already plans to invoke _kal-if-fee_? I hope you _die_ in your madness, alone and forever untouched!”

With a snarl he barely recognized as his own, Spock shoved Lasav away and rounded on Sakinth.

“Better I die mad then have to continue listening to you reach for insults.”

Sakinth sputtered and Spock took the opportunity to lunge.


	11. Chapter 11

Jim was staring at the streak of green across Spock’s cheek where they sat in the living room. Spock was very pointedly staring at the floor. They’d just finished being thoroughly lectured by Amanda. It was a lecture Spock knew well. Somehow, receiving it from Amanda without Sarek’s consistently stern presence was almost worse than when Sarek was present. Maybe because he knew Amanda would tell Sarek, and he didn’t particularly want to face his Father’s disappointment over a comm.

“Your blood is green.”

The statement surprised Spock, made him look up to meet Jim’s gaze. The blue of his irises seemed brighter with the way the skin around his eyes was darkening with bruises. There was a cut across his lips, a sliver of red that cut through the pink.

“Vulcan blood is copper-based, where human blood is iron-based.”

Jim lifted his hand. His knuckles were stained with green.

“That’s kind of awesome. If we bled together we’d be like Christmas.”

Spock opened his mouth to state how ridiculous that thought was only to promptly close it because Jim was grinning at him.

“Sorry I got you in trouble.”

“You did not get me in trouble. I got myself in trouble. I easily could have ignored their taunts and provocation. Instead, I chose not to.”

“You throw a mean punch.”

Spock’s face pinched in incomprehension and Jim laughed, shaking his head as he got up from the couch. Spock followed him, and together they went upstairs to clean up.

Later that evening, Christopher Pike joined them for dinner.


	12. Chapter 12

“To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t call sooner.”

“Jim’s a good boy.”

Chris snorted and Amanda couldn’t help her grin.

“You didn’t have to be on a shuttle with him from Earth to Vulcan.”

“And _you_ haven’t lived with him for three weeks.”

Amanda paused, giving in to a habit she worked to suppress regularly: fidgeting.

“He really is a good boy. And Spock… Spock has had problems with those other Vulcan children his entire life. This wasn’t his first altercation and, unfortunately, I doubt it will be the last.”

“He’s adjusting well otherwise?”

“There have been a few problems, but I think he’s doing well. Spock has gone out of his way to make him feel like he belongs. I hadn’t expected him to warm up to Jim so quickly.”

Spock stepped out of hearing range at that point, aware that his face was burning. Eavesdropping was a distasteful pastime, and not one he usually took part in, but he’d been heading to the kitchen to get a glass of water for Jim when he’d overheard Chris and Amanda’s voices. When Jim’s name had come up, curiosity got the best of him and he’d pressed himself against the wall to listen in.

He quickly retrieved the glass of water and returned to his room, where Jim was waiting while looking over information on his PADD.

“I was wondering if you got lost or something.”

“It would be highly illogical to become lost in my own residence.”

“They’re talking about me, aren’t they?”

“Captain Pike seems to be very invested in your comfort here.”

Jim shrugged, taking the glass and downing half of it right there.

“Are you staying temporarily or permanently, Jim?”

It was a question he’d wanted to ask all day, ever since T’Pring had asked herself that morning. Jim set the glass aside and reached out, palm up. Spock hesitated before resting his hand in Jim’s, noting how much cooler the human’s skin was than his own.

“I’d like to stay permanently. If… that’s okay with you?”

Jim abruptly looked self-conscious and uncertain. Spock instinctively shifted his hand to curl his fingers within Jim’s.

“That is more than okay.”

They pulled their hands apart after a few minutes and fell into companionable silence. It was Jim who inevitably broke the silence.

“Hey, Spock, what does Appointed Time mean? And what’s… kal-eye-fay?”

Spock felt his face burn again.

“Those are things Vulcans do not talk about.”

“Sak-whatever-his-face-is seemed pretty willing to talk about them. What’s a bond? He said he hoped you’d die mad. What was that all about?”

Suppressing a sigh, Spock looked away from Jim. It was obvious he was only going to continue to ask questions until he received some answers.

“T’Pring and I are bonded. Vulcans bond telepathically as children, so that—”

Spock faltered and had to take a deep breath, still looking away from Jim.

“At the Appointed Time, bonded are drawn together.”

Jim was watching Spock intensely.

“So what’s that kal-eye-fay thing?”

“ _Kal-if-fee_ is challenge. If one desires, he or she may choose someone to fight their intended, instead of completing the bond.”

“Why would anyone do that?”

“We do not choose our own mates. They are chosen for us, based on various levels of compatibility. It is entirely logical to want a display of prowess.”

“I never would’ve guessed you and T’Pring are bonded. You barely act like friends.”

Spock looked back at Jim then, the barest frown curving the corners of his mouth.

“Vulcans do not need friends.”

Hurt passed through Jim’s eyes and he stood up.

“But you’re not completely Vulcan, right?”

Spock didn’t answer, and after a moment Jim shook his head and wordlessly left Spock’s room. He didn’t return that night.


	13. Chapter 13

It was ten minutes after midnight when Spock crept into Jim’s room. The human boy was, unsurprisingly, still awake. He was sitting on his bed, staring out an open window. The days’ heat had tapered off significantly, but Jim was shirtless anyway and Spock took a moment to note how well the injuries he’d arrived with were healing. Only the worst of the bruising was left. Of course, he had new injuries from his fight with Lasav, and guilt pooled in Spock’s stomach.

“You are correct. I am not completely Vulcan.”

Jim turned toward him, eyes bright and clear even in the dim lighting.

“But you want to be.”

“I want… to not displease or disgrace either half of my heritage.”

Spock moved to sit down next to Jim on the edge of his bed.

“It is exhausting, being both Vulcan and human, because I am never quite Vulcan enough and yet I cannot be human enough either.”

“If it helps at all I like you just the way you are.”

The austerity of Jim’s words struck Spock speechless. They sat and stared out the window together for a while until they fell asleep leaning against one another; Jim’s head on Spock’s chest, one of Spock’s arms slung around Jim’s waist to keep him from slipping.


	14. Chapter 14

For the next week, life settled again. School resumed being relatively uneventful save for the messages Jim insisted on sending him and the occasional heated stare down, but otherwise Sakinth, Soral and Lasav (along with most of the other Vulcan children save Stonn and T’Pring) avoided them. Stonn and T’Pring actually came over for lunch several times, even though they usually left with T’Pring commenting on Jim’s complete and utter illogicalness. The reprimand he was expecting from Sarek never came, which only made Spock more anxious of his return.

“You’re going to pace a hole in the floor.”

“I am not pacing.”

“You’re totally pacing, Spock.”

Spock leveled an even stare at both Jim and Amanda. Jim looked unrepentant and Amanda simply smiled and shrugged as she stood up and moved to stand in front of Spock. Her fingers carded through the straight line of his bangs, flitted over the tips of his ears. Affection and reassurance washed through him.

It was enough to calm him down until his Father actually arrived, and then Spock bolted upright so fast Jim was certain he’d strained something.

“Father.”

“My son, it is pleasing to see you in good health.”

Sarek’s attention zoned in on Jim then. Jim stood slowly, glancing at Spock before raising a clumsy _ta’al_.

“Sir…”

“Jim. You may call me Sarek.”

Jim shot another glance at Spock. He was clearly thankful when Amanda diverted Sarek’s attention. Amanda held her index and middle fingers out and Jim watched, intrigued, as Sarek returned the gesture, briefly running his fingers along Amanda’s. They all moved to the dining room then. Dinner was quieter than Jim had become accustomed to. After they ate, Sarek requested that Jim meet him in his office.

The look Jim gave Spock was full of panic.


	15. Chapter 15

“Sir—”

“Sarek.”

Jim cleared his throat. He was standing in the doorway of Sarek’s office, very pointedly intending to run if things went south. Sarek was watching him stoically.

“Sarek.”

“I take it you have settled in.”

Jim nodded once, curtly.

“Amanda forwarded me a transcript of your studies. You are only three levels behind Spock. That is impressive, considering Vulcan curriculum is significantly faster and far more in depth than that of human curriculum.”

Whatever Jim had been expecting, it obviously wasn’t praise because he ended up gaping at Sarek for a good half a minute before responding.

“I was always ahead back on Earth too.”

“You are extremely intelligent. Of that I have no doubt. You are also volatile.”

Jim frowned, hand clenching on the door frame.

“If you mean the fight, that was my fault. Spock was going to walk away.”

“I do not refer solely to the altercation. You are human; you keep your emotions much more close to the surface than Vulcans and you tend to react on instinct and impulse rather than logic. As you are well aware, Spock is the first — and so far only — Vulcan-human hybrid. He has tried very hard to meet the expectations of both bloodlines.”

Sarek paused, seeming to think on his next words.

“He is at constant war with himself, but in these past weeks, Amanda has informed me of a… change within him, a comfort in his body he has rarely shown before. I have seen it myself tonight. I believe you are the catalyst for such a change.”

Jim continued to frown.

“Sir — Sarek. I don’t mean to be rude but what are you saying?”

“I am saying I welcome you into our home, Jim.”

Once again Jim was left gaping.


	16. Chapter 16

“You were correct; the boy is… fascinating.”

Amanda smiled as she settled beside her husband and mate in their bed.

“He’s had a tough start, but I think he’s doing… better, here.”

Sarek gave a small nod.

“I meditated upon the subject of Jim’s presence in Spock’s life for an extended period, even before meeting him face to face. At first I believed he would hurt Spock, that his capricious nature could only hinder Spock’s progress as a Vulcan — and yet it seems he is capable of tempering Spock, of providing him with balance.”

“Much as I do for you?”

Amanda’s tone was teasing, and Sarek reached out to lace their fingers together.

“Indeed.”

Amanda rested her head on Sarek’s chest.

“I missed you, _ashayam_.”

“And I you. _Taluhk nash-veh k'dular._ ”

Shifting, Amanda turned in his arms and pressed their mouths together. Sarek opened to the kiss, amusement and heat shimmering through their bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Taluhk nash-veh k'dular_ = I cherish thee


	17. Chapter 17

In Spock’s room, Jim sat by the window, looking out over the veranda. Spock was reading from his PADD when Jim abruptly spoke up, disturbing the silence.

“What was that thing your parents did?”

Blinking, Spock looked up at Jim.

“To what are you referring?”

“That… finger thing.”

Spock felt his face heat with embarrassment and promptly looked back down at his PADD.

“ _Ohz’esta_.”

“Ooz what?”

“Your Vulcan is abhorrent.”

“Don’t avoid my question.”

“It is a kiss.”

Spock didn’t have to see Jim’s face to know he looked bemused.

“Vulcans kiss with their fingers?”

Before he could respond, Jim dropped down from the window and crossed the distance between them to swipe the PADD from Spock and set it aside.

“Show me.”

Spock blinked again, an eyebrow raising.

“Show you what?”

“The _ohz’esta_.”

Choosing to ignore the fact that Jim had managed to say the word correctly in favor of the fact that his face was burning, Spock reached for his stolen PADD.

“Jim —”

Jim caught Spock’s wrist, stilling him.

“Please?”

Unable to resist the earnestness of his plea, Spock slowly curled three fingers into his palm, leaving just his index and middle fingers extended.

“Like this.”

His voice was softer than he intended it to be. Jim mimicked his motions. Swallowing thickly, Spock closed his eyes as he slid his extended fingers against Jim’s own. Jim’s fingers unexpectedly flexed and Spock jerked his hand back with a sharp inhale, eyes snapping open to find Jim watching him intently.

“That’s it?”

“Yes,” Spock breathed, “that is it.”

“Oh. I thought there’d be something else.”

“Something else?”

“Yeah. I mean, Vulcans are touch telepaths right?”

“That is correct.”

“So could you feel what I was feeling when we did that?”

“No. I have my mind shielded.”

“But if you didn’t, you would’ve felt my emotions and thoughts?”

“Yes.”

“That’s… really intimate.”

Spock once again reached for his stolen PADD and this time Jim let him take it back.


	18. Chapter 18

That night, Jim slept in Spock’s room again. He was motionless beside Spock, breathing deep and even. Spock wasn’t asleep. He was staring at the ceiling instead, thoughts racing without direction. He’d attempted to meditate several times to no avail and it wasn’t until Jim jerked violently that he was drawn from his thoughts with an inward frown. Jim made a quiet but clearly distressed noise and Spock immediately moved into action, his fingers finding Jim’s psi-points and initiating a meld with ease. His mind slipped into Jim’s as if they belonged together. Had he been older and more experienced with melds, he would have recognized that as a warning sign. As it was, he was too busy easing Jim out of the nightmare, projecting calm and soothing the erratic ripples of his panic and fear.

Jim began to relax. There was a sudden flare of gold, bright and warm and consuming and Spock fell deeper into Jim’s mind than he had meant to. The gold wrapped itself around him, shivering. For a moment Spock was too startled to react. Then, slowly, he reached out and laid a hand against the sheet of gold, watching in awe as it brightened and curled closer. He stayed in Jim’s mind a while longer, simply enjoying the warmth that radiated from the gold glow. When he finally withdrew, Jim remained asleep, apparently unaware of the mental exchange and blissfully free of nightmares.

Weeks later, during a session of meditation, Spock would discover a single gold thread in his mind, curled in the very spot his bond with T’Pring should have been. He didn’t say anything to either of his parents, Jim, or T’Pring.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET'S DO THE TIME WARP, YEAAAAAAH.

**ONE YEAR LATER**

When Jim was fifteen and Spock was seventeen, they accompanied Sarek on a diplomatic trip to Earth. It was summer, and Jim gave an excited ‘whoop’ as they exited the shuttle and took their first steps into San Francisco. Spock gave him a flat look and Sarek stoically ignored the loud, unnecessary noise as he ushered them in the direction of the Vulcan Embassy. Jim was taller then, and far less thin than he had been. Spock was taller too, decidedly _not_ boasting an easy four inches over Jim. In Earth’s sunlight, under the blue, blue sky (almost as blue as Jim’s eyes but somehow even the sky didn’t match the vibrancy or depth) Jim looked golden. His skin had darkened on Vulcan. There was a smattering of freckles across his nose and shoulders. Spock had counted every one of those freckles, coveting the knowledge of how many there were and where they were.

The Vulcan Embassy was a massive building, silver and glass and reaching all the way to the sky. They were staying on the very top floor and Jim bounced on the balls of his feet the entire elevator ride up while Spock looked out the clear wall and watched as they rose above the city. The room Sarek allocated them was huge, with two beds though Spock knew he and Jim would end up using just one. There was a small replicator station and two bathrooms with luxurious garden tubs and advanced sonic showers. Sarek’s suite was further down the hallway for the sake of privacy. He left them on their own after ensuring they were settled, trusting Spock to keep both himself and Jim out of trouble.

They spent their first day leisurely, watching holovids together. Before dinner, Spock commed Amanda to tell her how big San Francisco was. She looked strange, but before Spock could think on it Sarek was there to take them to the Embassy’s dining room on the third floor. Dinner itself was a sedate affair. Afterwards, Sarek allowed Jim and Spock to take a walk around the building. There was an Olympic-sized pool in the back, which Jim immediately wanted to go into. With Sarek’s permission Jim swam for a few hours, while Spock sat along the edge of the pool, only dipping his feet in and glaring at Jim any time he splashed water in his direction.

By the time they returned to their room, Jim was exhausted. He collapsed face-down onto the bed with an exaggerated groan. Spock gently shoved at his side to make him scoot over, and then he stretched out beside him, comfortable despite the foreign surroundings.

In the morning, Spock was woken by his father’s voice.

“Spock. Your Mother is ill. I must return to Vulcan.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Mother is ill?”

“Yes. You and Jim will remain here. I expect to be back on Earth within two weeks.”

Spock fought the urge to scrub a hand over his face, still not quite fully awake. Behind him, Jim was practically vibrating with a combination of excitement, concern and mild panic. They’d been left alone many times back on Vulcan — but that was different. Spock _knew_ Vulcan. It was his home planet. Earth was unfamiliar to him, no matter how much time he had put into researching its colorful history and various, often baffling customs. Then there was the fact that his mother was sick and he wanted nothing more than to be at her side.

Sarek picked up on Spock’s disquiet through their familial bond and his eyes softened minutely.

“Your Mother is strong, Spock. She will recover. You may comm her tonight. In my absence, T’Varen will be supervising you. Should you and Jim leave the Embassy, you must let her know.”

Spock nodded, aware of Jim’s movements as he slid out of the bed and headed for the bathroom.

“Yes, Father.”

“I would speak with you before I leave. Meet me outside the lift in ten minutes.”

Spock nodded again. Ten minutes later found him standing outside the lift as his Father had ordered. He felt the impulse to fidget under Sarek’s gaze.

“How long have you and Jim been sharing a bed?”

Spock’s heart tripped over itself in his side. He knew it wasn’t proper to share a bed. He had not been willing to rebuff Jim after those few first times, however, and the habit had stuck, become a ritual he had hoped (illogically) his parents never discovered or questioned. Spock didn’t want to answer but he couldn’t ignore his Father, nor could he lie to him. He forced himself to meet Sarek’s eyes.

“Since he first arrived. He has nightmares. He finds it… comforting, to not be alone.”

Spock was certain Sarek would have sighed were he less Vulcan.

“Under the circumstances, I cannot tell you to desist, as you are doing precisely what I asked you to do in ensuring he is not lonely. I simply ask that you remember who are you are. I am departing now. Live long and prosper, my son.”

“Peace and long life, Father.”

With that, Sarek turned and entered the lift. Spock remained standing there for two point five minutes before returning to his and Jim’s shared room to find Jim sitting on the bed.

“Is everything okay?”

“I believe so.”

“Good. Can we go get breakfast? I’m starving.”


	21. Chapter 21

Without Sarek present, breakfast was far livelier. Jim kept flicking pieces of bread at him, which prompted Spock to stare him down until he stopped. He didn’t behave for long and was soon making shapes out of the bread; stars and swords and spaceships, although Spock thought the stars were the better made. At least he could tell what they were supposed to be without asking. Jim appeared to take offense at that and threatened to start flicking more bread at Spock just as T’Varen approached. Jim abruptly stilled.

Spock promptly stood and presented the _ta’al_.

“T’Varen.”

T’Varen returned the _ta’al_ , her dark gaze sliding between Spock and Jim.

“Your Father informed me of the situation. I trust you are well?”

“Yes.”

“Should you require anything, you only need call.”

“Thank you.”

T’Varen stood there a few seconds longer, gaze lingering on Jim, a subtle spark of interest lighting her eyes. As she turned and walked away, Jim visibly relaxed. They finished eating with no further mischief from Jim and when they were done they returned to their room. Spock decided to take a shower. It didn’t take him more than fifteen minutes, but when he emerged, Jim was looking out the window, gaze distant, PADD in hand.

“My mom called.”

One of Spock’s eyebrows crept up. Jim’s mother hadn’t called even once since Jim had come to stay with his family on Vulcan. He never brought her up, and Spock hadn’t asked. Settling next to Jim on the bed, he glanced at the PADD.

“What did she require?”

“She wants me to come home.”

Spock felt like his lungs had abruptly stopped functioning. He forced himself to breathe anyway.

“How did she know you were here?”

“Dunno.”

“…I imagine my parents have been keeping her updated.”

“Probably.”

Without warning, Jim stood and threw the PADD against the wall. Spock managed not to startle or flinch. He heard the screen crack.

Later that evening, Spock commed his Mother. Though she answered promptly as ever, he realized she looked tired and pale. How had he missed that the day before? He didn’t get a chance to chide himself.

“Spock, sweetheart, this isn’t your fault. I’ve just caught a little bug.”

Spock resisted the urge to point out the inaccuracy of her statement.

“You should be resting.”

Amanda’s mouth quirked in that familiar way.

“You sound like your Father. How are you and Jim faring by yourselves?”

“We are both well. However —”

Spock hesitated, glancing to the bed where Jim was sprawled out, seemingly sound asleep. His chest rose and fell evenly. The broken PADD was on the table beside the bed.

“Spock?”

“Jim’s Mother contacted him today. She desires for him to return home. I do not… I do not want him to leave.”

The words left him before he could stop them. Realizing what he’d said, Spock flushed, ducking his head.

“Oh, Spock. I had no idea. I’ll talk to her, okay?”

Spock nodded mutely, too afraid of what he might say to open his mouth. They talked for another fives minutes before Amanda began to cough and Spock insisted she go lie down. After disconnecting the communication, he returned to the bed, crawling in beside Jim, who automatically shifted to wrap his arms around him and buried his face against his shoulder. Spock breathed deeply, taking in Jim’s clean scent. He had no idea what he would do without Jim’s constant presence in his life… and he wasn’t willing to try to imagine. As he closed his eyes, he lowered his mental shields and let the thin, unsettled bond thrum contentedly.


	22. Chapter 22

Spock had long ago discovered his bond with Jim had a unique wavelength. It was like a heartbeat, soft and constant and steady, a soothing, alluring _ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum_. He had no idea if Jim was aware of the bond or not, but as the large majority of humans were psi-null, he assumed he likely wasn’t. At least not consciously. Unconsciously, in moments of shared sleep, Jim’s mind strained for the bond and Spock could not deny him.

His shields were still down when he woke to find Jim staring at him only an inch or so from his face. Spock blinked rapidly.

“I’m not going with her.”

“— with whom?”

“My mom. I’m not going home.”

Spock allowed his mouth to turn down in the barest of frowns.

“Jim.”

“No. I’m not. She can’t make me. It’s not like she’s ever been there for me. What gives her the right to come in and try to act like she cares now?”

Jim’s voice had steadily risen until he was nearly shouting. Inwardly sighing, Spock grabbed him and pulled him flush against him. Jim immediately latched on right back.

“She left us. Took off the first chance she got and didn’t even look back. She couldn’t even — couldn’t even ever look at me for longer than two seconds.”

Jim’s voice hitched and Spock knew he was crying. The bond, still open as it was, twisted with Jim’s pain. Spock tried not to flinch even as Jim shifted closer, like he was trying to claw his way into Spock’s skin.

“Did you know I’ve never celebrated my birthday?”

“Vulcans do not note ones day of birth as anything significant.”

“Humans throw parties. I never — the day of my birth has always been the day he died.”

Spock knew Jim was talking about his Father. He tightened his grip on him. It was the first time he’d willingly talked about either of his parents, and he wanted to listen, to at least provide comfort via attentiveness if nothing else.

“I want to stay with you and Amanda and Sarek. I don’t care if you don’t celebrate anything ever. You’re more family than I’ve ever had.”

Spock’s heart squeezed in his side.

“When I spoke with my Mother last night, she assured me she would talk to her. I do not wish for you to leave either.”

They remained in bed for a while longer, simply holding onto each other until Jim’s bladder made itself known and he had to extricate himself. They went to breakfast then and ate quietly, a stark contrast from the previous morning. Painfully aware of the difference, Spock deliberated some way to lighten Jim’s mood.

“Have you ever visited the San Francisco Zoo?”

Jim had just finished his pile of bacon when Spock asked and the grin that lit up his face was precisely the reaction Spock was looking for.

“No. Can we go?”

Spock nodded and finished off his own bowl of mixed fruit.


	23. Chapter 23

After conferring with T’Varen, Spock and Jim were on their way to the San Francisco Zoo. It was a nice day and the ride was pleasant if a bit exhausting thanks to Jim’s continuous need to move. He bounced from seat to seat when he was able, pointing things out and chattering incessantly. Spock was mildly thankful he’d grown accustomed to the human’s high level of energy.

When they arrived at the zoo, Jim immediately made a beeline for the giraffes, leaving Spock little choice but to follow. They fed the massive animals crackers. Spock openly cringed when one of the giraffes curled its ridiculously long tongue around his hand in the process of taking a cracker. Jim laughed, of course, and Spock threw him the darkest look he could manage.

From there they went to the monkeys, which Jim made noises at Spock could only assume were meant to be mimicking but sounded more like a pack of angry le-matya. To make up for laughing at him, Jim allowed Spock several long minutes to watch the birds in silence. By the time they made it to the big cats, Jim was complaining he was hungry. Detouring to a snack cart, they stopped and ate. A peacock strutted nearby, briefly distracting Spock.

“You remind me of those.”

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim while not looking away from the peacock.

“How so?”

“I don’t know. They’re all mysterious and proud.”

“I will take that as a compliment.”

Jim grinned. After eating they continued to the children’s section of the zoo, mostly so Jim could pet whatever animals were out in the petting area. It turned out to be four goats, one of which seemed to latch onto Spock and protested quite loudly when they left the enclosure. On their way out of the zoo, Jim dragged Spock over to the carousel.

“Ride with me.”

Spock eyed the wild-eyed, open-mouthed, frozen horses skeptically. Before he could protest, he was being shoved forward, and it was with a silent, resigned sigh that he climbed up onto a black horse. Jim settled on a white horse beside him. They waited as a few other children boarded. When the carousel started with a jerk and a shrill blast of music, Spock tensed. The next thing he knew, Jim had reached over, grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together. He spent the entirety of the ride — a total of twenty revolutions — staring at their joined hands. Spock didn’t object when Jim wanted to go a second time.


	24. Chapter 24

The trip back to the Vulcan Embassy was far quieter, mostly because Jim fell asleep leaning against Spock’s shoulder. He let him stay there, ignoring the curious glances they earned from other passengers. He had to gently shake Jim awake at the Embassy, and together they trudged off the shuttle to find T’Varen waiting for them.

“You have a visitor.”

Spock didn’t frown but it was a near thing.

“She is waiting in meeting room 23 on the first floor.”

Nodding, he made his way to the room in question, Jim following at his heels. He opened the door that was marked meeting room 23 to find a human woman standing at the far end of the wide table. She had blonde hair and appeared to be in her late forties to early fifties. Then again she could have been younger. Spock wasn’t always good at judging the age of humans, particularly with how much faster they aged than Vulcans. He belatedly realized Jim had frozen behind him. The look in his bright blue eyes was one Spock hadn’t seen since the night he’d dropped the plate so long ago.

“Jim —”

“No!”

Without warning, Jim turned and ran. Spock stood in place for thirty seconds, torn between apologizing to the woman and going after Jim. He ended up doing both, tossing out a curt apology before briskly walking in the direction Jim had gone. He broke into a sprint once he was outside the Embassy, only just catching Jim in time to prevent him from vaulting over the vine-covered wall.

“Let me go!”

Jim kicked out at Spock. Spock dodged the kick, grabbing Jim’s leg and unbalancing him so he fell. Not waiting for him to spring up, Spock sat on him, effectively pinning Jim’s arms with his hands and his legs with his own. He struggled futilely for several minutes before abruptly going slack, his chest heaving from the exertion.

“If I release you, will you run?”

He watched Jim work his jaw, gritting his teeth.

“No.”

“You are lying.”

“You think? Get the hell off me!”

“No.”

“Spock, get off me.”

“Not until I am certain you will not run.”

Jim closed his eyes. He suddenly seemed very small and vulnerable.

“She’s my mom.”


	25. Chapter 25

Spock stared down at Jim, but he wasn’t really seeing him, his focus inward on the rally of emotions that were threatening to break through his already compromised controls. Jim’s mother was at the Vulcan Embassy. She was going to take him away. They could run —

_Illogical._

Running was not a practical solution. Talking was. They needed to speak with Jim’s mother. Perhaps she wasn’t there to take Jim away.

Spock was drawn out of himself by Jim’s choked sob.

“Please. I can’t go back. She’ll just leave again.”

Releasing Jim, Spock drew the human into his arms, feeling his body tremble and heave with each sob. Jim clutched onto him, fingers curling into the fabric of his robes and drawing them tight. Spock didn’t know what to say. He felt more at a loss than he had when he’d first met Jim. They sat in the freshly manicured grass of the Embassy’s expansive yard for twenty minutes, until Jim’s sobs finally died down and he was left hiccupping for air. Spock carefully pulled Jim to his feet, allowing him a moment to further compose himself before he spoke.

“Jim. We cannot run.”

“We?”

Spock flushed but forced himself to keep eye contact. Jim’s eyes were red and puffy, the blue of his irises wide and vivid with emotion.

“You know I would not allow you to go by yourself.”

“Then come with me.”

“Jim —”

“She doesn’t really want me! She’ll leave me with Frank the second we’re back at the farmhouse. And Frank… Frank will…”

Jim’s voice wavered and broke. The way he was looking at Spock was desperate, pleading. Hesitantly, Spock reached out, fingers hovering just over Jim’s psi-points.

“May I?”

Jim nodded and leaned forward to close the contact. At once Spock was bombarded by images. On Vulcan child abuse was unheard of. Children were revered and it was beyond illogical to harm your own progeny. Apparently the same could not be said on Earth. Spock watched in stunned horror and muted rage as a man — Frank, he surmised — came at Jim again and again, smelling of alcohol and yelling obscenities obviously meant to tear down his self-esteem. There were bruises and lacerations covered by clothing that was not suitable for the weather and flimsy excuses to keep his teachers and fellow classmates from looking further.

Then there was an atypical night. Frank was uncharacteristically quiet. When Jim tried to go to bed early, Frank cornered him, pressed up against him and trapped him between his body and the wall. Jim was more terrified than he’d ever been. Spock could practically taste his terror, could practically feel the sharp thump of his pulse as Frank’s hands fell to his hips and gripped them hard enough to bruise.

_“Too bad you’ve got such a pretty face. Fuckin’ worthless otherwise.”_

The slurred words echoed in Spock’s ears. Frank stumbled off and Jim quickly escaped to his room, locking the door behind him. He didn’t sleep. In the morning, Frank told him to wash his car.

_But it wasn’t his car. It was my dad’s._

Jim’s voice filtered through the meld, overlapping images of a speeding red car with its top torn off. Spock got the distinct impression of wild laughter and reckless adrenaline. A cliff-edge approached too fast and Spock jerked out of the meld, shaking.

“You weren’t going to jump out.”


	26. Chapter 26

Jim’s silence in the aftermath of the meld was deafening.

He would have died.

He had _wanted_ to die.

Spock moved without thought, grabbing Jim’s hand and dragging him back toward the Embassy. The woman was standing outside the front doors and Spock strode right up to her, ignoring Jim’s various attempts at breaking free of him. The muted rage he’d felt in the meld was suddenly alive and twisting beneath his skin.

“Did you know?”

Spock didn’t recognize his voice. Jim went still behind him. He was close enough Spock could feel his breath against the back of his neck.

“Excuse me?”

“Were you aware of the fact that your son intended to commit suicide several years ago?”

The woman blinked rapidly.

“I —”

Spock interrupted her, uncaring of how rude and abrasive he was being.

“Were you also aware of the fact that he was being beaten on a daily basis?”

“I’m so sorry. Jim —”

“Don’t make me leave.”

Jim’s voice was so quiet, even Spock almost didn’t hear him, but in the next instant he took one of Spock’s hands in his own and stepped forward, meeting his mother’s gaze straight on.

“I want to stay with Sarek and Amanda and Spock. Frank isn’t —”

“Frank’s dead.”

Through their contact, Spock could feel Jim’s shock, along with shame-laced relief. He knew he shouldn’t be relieved that someone was dead. Spock found he cared significantly less after what he’d witnessed in the meld.

“What?”

“The house, there was a fire. He didn’t make it out.”

“Perhaps we should go inside,” Spock interjected. “We can discuss this further in privacy.”

When both Jim and his mother nodded, Spock led the way back into the Embassy. They passed T’Varen as they stepped into the lift. The ride was silent and thick with discomfort. Jim was still holding Spock’s hand; he didn’t let go until they were in their room. Winona stood tensely while Spock replicated tea for her and himself and hot cocoa with tiny multi-colored marshmallows for Jim. Jim didn’t immediately brighten like he usually did when Spock presented him with the hot cocoa. He took it in trembling hands and Spock sat next to him, trying to quell the dissatisfaction Jim’s reaction — or rather, the lack of reaction — sparked in him.

“Did anything survive?”

Winona slowly shook her head.

“I… I didn’t realize you meant to kill yourself. With that stupid car. Jim —”

“It wasn’t stupid!”

Jim was on his feet in an instant, the hot cocoa forgotten as it spilled to the floor. His hands were balled into tight fists at his sides.

“Spock, may I have some time alone with my son?”

Spock hesitated. He didn’t want to leave. He nodded anyway and stood up, grabbing the closest PADD.

“Jim, I will be nearby.”

He watched as Jim flexed his jaw, clenching and unclenching the muscles several times before nodding. With a last glance at Winona, Spock left the room.


	27. Chapter 27

Spock went far enough into the hallway he wouldn’t be able to eavesdrop, unintentionally or otherwise. Pressing his back to the wall, he slid down it until he was sitting on the floor. For more than a few minutes he just stared at the opposite wall. He was distantly aware of how fragile his control was and he made a mental note to meditate an extra hour that night, even if he knew it would be a fruitless effort. When his PADD beeped to notify him of an incoming message, he glanced down at it numbly. It was from Christopher Pike. He’d never messaged Spock directly before. Spock accepted the message and Chris’ face appeared on the screen.

“Spock.”

“Captain Pike.”

“I’m sorry about Winona showing up so suddenly. I’m the one who told her Jim was on Earth.”

“They are speaking now.”

“I imagine they have a lot to talk about.”

Spock belatedly realized he was frowning. It was too late to school his expression into something more neutral, though, so he didn’t bother.

“When you brought Jim to us…”

“I had Winona’s permission. She was off-planet at the time.”

Pike sighed then, dragging a hand down his face.

“You got time for a story?”

Spock simply nodded.

“I attended Starfleet Academy with Winona and George. After George’s death, I made it my personal task to check in on Winona and Jim whenever I could. Unfortunately, whenever I could wasn’t as often as I would have liked. Being out in deep space doesn’t allow for regular or even semi-regular communication. I knew Winona had remarried. I’d met Frank once via subspace communication and I didn’t like him, but not liking him wasn’t exactly a reason to go running to Jim’s rescue, you know? I had no idea he was abusive until Jim tried to drive George’s old car off that cliff and Jim called me that night. He was lucky I was back on Earth for a refit. I commed Winona to let her know what had happened and get her permission to take Jim somewhere safe. She was the one who suggested Amanda. Where better than a friend who married an Ambassador with a kid about the same age?”

“Her logic was sound.”

Chris smirked at that, but it was short-lived.

“Look, Spock, the point is — Winona’s his mother. She’s his legal guardian.”

“She has not been present most of his life. He is better with me.”

He meant to say _us_. It didn’t matter. Spock couldn’t even begin to imagine his life without Jim. He’d become such an integral part of him. Deep down he knew that was likely a problem. Vulcans weren’t supposed to be codependent, particularly not on an illogical, over-emotional human. He found he didn’t care for that particular Vulcan aspect just then.

Pike sighed.

“I’ll talk to her.”

Amanda had said the same thing. Spock simply nodded again.

“One last thing, Spock: you’re right, he is better with you.”

The screen went black.


	28. Chapter 28

Spock remained in the hallway until the door opened and Winona stepped out, dabbing at her eyes with a cloth. They were red and he knew she’d been crying. He wondered if Jim had also been crying. The thought made him grit his teeth together. He stood, quickly smoothing his tunic down, before moving to pass her and head back into the room. She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I know my unexpected visit has been an imposition. I can’t thank you or your parents enough for looking after Jim.”

There was a pause. She let her hand slip off his shoulder.

“I hope you’ll keep looking after him.”

With that she made her way to the lift, disappearing from view when the door slid shut behind her. Spock stood in the doorway in confusion for a moment longer. When he stepped inside the room, it was only for Jim to abruptly grab him and drag him back out.

“Jim —”

“We’re going to the beach.”

“We are not prepared for a trip to the beach.”

Jim stopped outside the lift, waiting for it to come back up.

“We can get stuff on the way. All we need is a couple of towels, sunscreen and suits right?”

Spock tilted his head slightly in thought.

“Refreshments will likely be necessary. We must also inform T’Varen where we are going.”

The lift opened and they stepped in. As it went down, Spock subtly looked Jim over. His eyes weren’t as red as he had expected them to be. There was something strange about him, and though Spock couldn’t place what, it made him feel uncomfortable. He didn’t like the way Jim seemed so far away from him even though he was obviously right there at his side. He especially didn’t like the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.


	29. Chapter 29

Spock had never been to a beach before. He’d seen the ocean from the shuttle when they’d first arrived, and then from the heights of the Vulcan Embassy, but seeing it up close was an entirely different experience. It seemed immeasurably vast and very blue. Of course, Jim’s eyes were still far bluer. On the way, they stopped at a small shop and purchased all the items he had thought would be necessary, including a pair of plain black swimming trunks. Jim’s trunks were bright orange and green and strained his eyes if he stared at them too long.

Jim didn’t waste any time in dragging Spock over to the edge of the water. At the first lap of the water over his bare feet, Spock inhaled sharply. It was cold. He watched Jim run further in until the water met his waist. Then, with a deep breath, he surged forward, disappearing under the water entirely. He reappeared only moments later, floating on his back and letting the waves carry him.

Spock let him be for a while, deciding to walk along the shoreline. There were a number of interesting objects the waves had carried up; bits of colorful glass, shells, and rocks. He even discovered several small bones, presumably from fish that had washed ashore.

By the time Jim came back in from the ocean, it was starting to get dark and the human was shivering faintly. Spock, relieved for his foresight, handed him one of the towels he’d procured, and then the other several minutes later when he was still shivering. They settled on the still-warm sand and watched the ocean in silence for approximately fifteen point two minutes before Jim shifted to rest his head on Spock’s shoulder. He was, Spock was relieved to note, no longer shivering, but his hair was damp and Spock suppressed a shiver of his own.

“I wanna go home.”

Spock wasn’t entirely certain of Jim’s meaning but he surmised he most likely meant Vulcan. Jim’s damp, sand-coated fingers found Spock’s. Spock didn’t pull away, instead curling his fingers tighter against Jim’s and ignoring the way the grains of sand felt against his skin. They didn’t leave the beach until the nearby street lamps had come on, and even then Spock had to pull Jim to his feet and urge him back in the direction of the Embassy after his stomach began to growl audibly in hunger.


	30. Chapter 30

Sarek returned three days later. Amanda was feeling better. The sight of his father simultaneously relaxed and tightened a knot in Spock’s chest. There had been no further attempts at communication from Jim’s mother and Jim’s behavior was returning, more or less, to normal. Spock caught him staring off at nothing in moments of quiet, and sometimes it required more prompting than usual to get his attention.

Like then.

“Jim?”

Jim’s head jerked up abruptly.

“What?”

“I have said your name three times. Are you well?”

“Oh, yeah, m’fine. Sorry.”

“...I asked if you have a preference in restaurants.”

“No.”

They ended up going to a place that primarily served Italian. Sarek and Spock both ordered a vegetarian pasta, while Jim ordered chicken parmesan with extra chicken. Midway through dinner, Sarek addressed Jim, nearly causing him to choke on his soda. Spock had noticed that although Jim was infinitely more comfortable around Sarek than he was when they had first met, he was still thrown off by direct attention from him.

“If you so desire, when Spock and I return to Vulcan in five days, you may return with us.”

Jim blinked several times.

“I have a choice?”

Sarek inclined in his head.

“Of course.”

Jim glanced at Spock then, and Spock gave a small nod of confirmation. Under the table, Jim caught his hand and laced their fingers together. Spock fought to keep his expression neutral.

“I want to go back to Vulcan.”

Spock squeezed Jim’s hand. They finished dinner without letting go.


End file.
